Sen. Eddie Lucio Files Bill Requiring Texas Men To Take Three-Hour Masturbation Course Before Sex

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Senator Eddie Lucio announced today that he's filing a bill that will require all male Texans to complete a required 3-hour webinar on masturbation techniques before every instance of consensual intercourse in Texas.

The bill — which is only directed at men, causing some activists to question why no webinar is required for women, should any of them ever be involved in the act of sexual intercourse — is viewed as the latest effort to create unnecessary barriers between men and their reproductive decisions.

Men's rights advocates argued that men are already well aware of the option of masturbation before they choose to seek a partner, and that this paternalistic legislation is just intended for Lucio to demonstrate that he knows best what men should do with their bodies.

Lucio explained the rationale for his bill in an interview:

Lucio says that his online masturbation class proposal is merely designed to help men make more informed decisions.

“We're not trying to hurt the potential father, we're trying to help the unejaculated be ejaculated,” he told the Austin American-Statesman newspaper.

But unplanned ejaculation advocates do not believe the classes would help anyone.

“What I don't like about it is it seems punitive,” said Ron Johnson, executive director of the Austin-based nonprofit Ejaculation Alternatives Inc. “It's another hoop for men to jump through when they face an unplanned sexual encounter.”

More on Lucio's bill to potentially sex-shame Texas men below the jump.Ok, so obviously the above was satire. Lucio has filed no such bill during the special session.

Instead, he filed a bill to require only women to take a three-hour webinar on adoption options before having an abortion. There is no exception in the bill for victims of rape or incest.

Apparently in Texas women get pregnant all by themselves, like magic! While ultimately I believe that it should be the woman's choice to terminate a pregnancy and realize that in some cases, the women seeking abortions may not want to tell the men who caused the unplanned pregnancy about their situation, the fact that Lucio's paternalistic legislation targets only women suggests that here in Texas, unplanned and unwanted pregnancies are the fault and burden of the woman, and woman alone.

So if Lucio's fake comments above sound absurd, realize that they're the gender-flipped version of what he actually said about his adoption-webinar bill.

If we're going to require anything to be taught about sexual reproduction, let's start with scientifically accurate, age appropriate sex education in public schools. Let's get rid of that bull-crap “Women's Right To Know” pamphlet handed out to women seeking abortions, which erroneously claims that there is a link between abortion and breast cancer. Let's restore funding to the Women's Health Program, stop the crusade against Planned Parenthood and help teenagers access contraception.

Let's help Texans actually prevent unwanted pregnancies, and give better economic opportunity to those that do find themselves unexpectedly pregnant. Instead, we have actual legislation from Lucio requiring women — and only women — to take a three-hour pro-adoption webinar before having an abortion.

In no way do I mean to make light of the issue at, err, hand — but Lucio's actual bill is as absurd, one-sided, and misguided as the fake version in this post. He should be ashamed of his anti-woman paternalism and try to actually introduce a bill that would prevent unwanted pregnancies from happening.  

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About Author

Katherine Haenschen

Katherine Haenschen is a PhD candidate at the University of Texas, where she studies political participation on digital media. She previously managed successful candidate, issue, voter registration, and GOTV campaigns in Central Texas. She is also a fan of UCONN women's basketball and breakfast tacos.

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