State Rep Debbie Riddle Introduces Statewide Ban On Breakfast Tacos

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Citing concerns over giving “aid and comfort to the enemy,” professional ignoramus Debbie Riddle introduced a bill today that would ban the production, consumption, or transport of breakfast tacos in Texas. Riddle has nicknamed her bill the “Terror Taco Prevention Act.” It is currently awaiting a hearing in the Homeland Security and Public Safety committee.  

Riddle held a lengthy sit-down interview with the Texas Tribune in which she clarified her views early this morning:

“Where did this idea come from that everybody deserves beans and eggs in a taco, potatoes in a taco, migas in a taco, whatever? It comes from Mexico. It comes straight out of the pit of thousands of kitchens across our state. And it's cleverly disguised as having a tender tortilla shell. It's not a tender tortilla. It's ripping the heart out of this country.”

Riddle says the idea for the legislation came to her when she was stopped at a traffic light in Austin and saw a taco truck doing a brisk business to a diverse, multi-ethnic clientele. “Those taco-eaters build our homes and commercial properties, grow and pick our food, work in our retail establishments, and contribute billions of economic activity to our state,” stated Riddle. “It must be stopped.”

She understands that passing the legislation may be difficult, since in general people really like breakfast tacos and also don't share her utterly bat-shit crazy stone-cold racist stance on immigration.

However, Riddle remains undeterred, stating that “anyone who votes against this legislation just wants to roll around in a bathtub full of tomatillo sauce, in their underpants.”

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About Author

Katherine Haenschen

Katherine Haenschen is a PhD candidate at the University of Texas, where she studies political participation on digital media. She previously managed successful candidate, issue, voter registration, and GOTV campaigns in Central Texas. She is also a fan of UCONN women’s basketball and breakfast tacos.

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