| Hanukkah is here, Christmas is Sunday, and Kwanzaa is Monday. If you've got Republicans in your family, you're probably still racking your brain to come up with an appropriate gift. Worry no more! BOR is here with the perfect gift for the GOP voter in your life. You can also give some of these gifts to Democrats, too! (The Mother Jones subscription is a good one.)
Here's what to buy...
For Your Newt-loving Uncle: Gingrich's PhD Dissertation, or a Time Machine back to 1995
 "Newt's the intellectual!" cry Republicans concerned with the intellectual dive off a cliff their part has taken since Reagan was elected. That's why they like Newt: he's a real historian! He's got a doctorate! And as a "historian" working for Freddie Mac, he's surely paid off those student loans by now. Gift the Newt lovers in your life with a copy of his PhD Dissertation, which focused on Belgian education policies in the Congo. Don't worry, he mostly elides any details about the actual Congolese, choosing to focus instead on the white colonizers.
If that's still too erudite for your relatives, perhaps instead a time machine? Transport your GOP relatives back to 1995, when he was newly elected Speaker of the House. Relive the glory days of a Republican majority in the House of Representatives. Too much travel? Maybe just set it back to three weeks ago when Newt was the rising flavor of the week.
|
For Your Mitt Romney supporting Aunt: A donation to Barack Obama in their honor
 The Obama website has a neat feature allowing you to make a contribution in someone's honor. They'll get an email from Barack thanking them for the inspiration. If you really want to get the goat of a Republican relative and a donation to a charity won't rankle them enough, give your dollars directly to Barack Obama. Romney's figured to be the toughest Republican for Obama to beat in the General Election, so invest in next year's holiday season and make sure they're not crowing around the fireplace about President Mitt.
Again, I repeat: prevent next year's toast to "President-elect Romney." The holiday dinner you save may be your own.
|
Your Ron Paul supporting brother: A plane ticket to Iowa
 It's all about Iowa, man! Ron Paul's the only candidate with a consistent ideology, man! Most importantly, he wants to legalize drugs, man, yeah! We all have young white male relatives entranced by the tax-free weed utopia promised by Dr. Ron. Send the young man to Iowa, where he can join Ron Paul's army, and help the proverbial stopped clock rack up a win in Iowa that the mainstream media will trip over themselves to ignore. Best of all, you'll get him out of your house before he starts reading Ayn Rand essays aloud. Again.
|
Your friend who's determined to stand by his man, Rick Perry: A copy of Head Figure Head: The Search for the Hidden Life of Rick Perry or Adios Mofo
 Give the gift of an e-book about the concomitant failure and hypocrite that is our longest serving governor, Rick Perry. Glen Maxey's Head Figure Head and Jason Stanford and James Moore's Adios, Mofo probably won't change any minds, but at least you're supporting the anti-Perry cottage industry that collapsed along with his campaign. You think Perry's hoping for a second wind? Imagine how these book authors feel! Glen's book is available in the right-hand sidebar. Jason's book is available here.
|
Your organized-labor-hating in-laws: A subscription to Mother Jones magazine
 Invest in progressive journalism, and maybe even teach those relatives a thing or two. The magazine, named for Irish-American union organizer Mary Harris Jones, is published by a non-profit organization, so they can really use your support. Mother Jones does great investigative work and frequently breaks big stories in politics and campaigns. They are a crucial independent voice in our increasingly corporatized media landscape. They also feature a blog written by one of my favorite progressives, Kevin Drum. We all should read more MJ, labor-haters especially. Click here to give a gift subscription.
|
For Your Niece, the College Republican President: I'm No Racist Anti-Obama mug
 Does everyone accuse you of being a racist based on your racially insensitive tweets and Facebook posts about the first African-American President? Show them how really not racist you are with this mug that makes it abundantly clear that despite your humorous calls for assassination, crack poems, and comments about Asians in the library that you're totally 100% completely not a racist not at all. One side reads "I'm No Racist" and the other reads "I Don't Like His White Half, Either!" That should definitely clear up whether you're a stone-cold racist and keep the "liberal trolls" at bay. Available on EBay, of course. White hood sold separately.
|
For Your Favorite Closeted Homosexual in a Western State: A Carhartt Jacket
 Do you live in a western state? Do you enjoy secret same-sex dalliances with other dudes? Do you have a sad-eyed blonde wife? Are you a character in Brokeback Mountain and/or did you star in the most-rapidly disliked YouTube video of all time? Are the people who work for your media firm tired of keeping your secret and desperately hoping you get outed? Then this is the jacket for you. Get your camel-colored Carhartt jacket at just about any outdoors or athletic store. Unfortunately, secret mountain tryst with Jake Gyllenhaal not included.
|
So for your last minute Hanukkah, Christmas, or Kwanzaa shopping for the Republicans in your life, I hope this is a helpful gift guide. Oh, who are we kidding. No Republicans celebrate Kwanzaa!
Happy holidays, whatever you're celebrating. |
