FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
November 8, 2006
Contact: Skylor R. Williams
(512) 484-xxxx
Hair to Perry: "I'm Leaving You!"
Governor of Texas Loses Re-Election, Hair
The hair belonging to Governor Rick Perry left his scalp this morning, following Perry’s defeat at the polls in last night’s election to Democratic candidate Chris Bell. The Governor awoke to find himself bald, and a "Dear John" note taped to his bedside. Not a stray strand of his formerly brown locks were left behind.
Confidential sources within the Perry Administration and at the Governor’s Mansion close to The Hair (who likes to be called Spike by his friends) say the writing on the wall was apparent long before the hair’s departure. "He was tough on that hair," said one staffer on the condition of anonymity. "During the election, you’d think the Governor would take better care of it, but Spike complained he wasn’t getting his crème rinse as often..."
Critics often called Perry "Governor Goodhair". He appeared in public frequently sporting his handsome head of hair, during television appearances, election commercials, and the one and only Governor’s Debate that aired on the weekend of the big UT/Oklahoma U. football game. Many Republicans credited Perry’s successes to The Hair. Polls indicated Perry would easily win re-election. His defeat by Chris Bell could be characterized as a major upset.
"Governor Perry accomplished a lot during his time in office," said Louis "The Cheat" Campbell, an Austin political consultant who favors working with Republicans. "During the debate, when he said he wanted mandatory death sentences for sexual predators, that was world class. We have the death penalty in Texas and we can’t wait to use it!"
But many Austin insiders say they’re happy The Hair is gone. "It’ll be interesting to see what Perry does now," said Martin Witczak, a Democratic pundit at Conventional Wisdom, an Austin-based firm. "Everyone suspects The Hair was the brains behind the operation. The 20-foot fence to keep out Mexican migrants, the TAKS Test, irresponsible tax cuts, and the million-dollar slush fund were all ideas of The Hair. President Bush has Karl Rove, Perry had The Hair."
At this time, the whereabouts of The Hair are unknown. Sources also report that Governor Perry, now due to leave office in January, has taken to wearing a toupee of close facsimile to the original. No word as yet if he will seek or field endorsements from hair replacement firms like Hair Club For Men or growth products like Rogaine.
As Phase II Persuasion wrapped up, things went pretty well and there were many highlights. Jim bought radio commercials on 98.5 FM in Rockdale, which played mostly during evening rush-hour. The Campaign bought newspaper advertising in the Thrifty Nickel and inserts in other local newspapers. And as always, we continued to blockwalk, door to door, shaking as many hands as possible, and putting up dozens of yard signs.
There’s a saying that “a rising tide raises all ships”, and that has proven true from our field reports. Nationwide polls indicate that disapproval of Congress has translated into the anti-incumbent, “throw the bums out” feeling that will affect all races, national, state and local. The script has changed and the feeling is palpable. In the days after the Foley scandal, we’ve walked through formerly “hostile” areas of Cedar Park and Leander and you can literally feel the difference. Republican pride has shattered on the ground like $2 china from Woolworths. On top of that, Carol Stauber found the “magic bullet” in her “too much power in one family/nepotism” block-walking rap. Many people would think it’s a non-issue, that it’s irrelevant. However, the important thing behind it is that it’s not a debatable issue. You can talk about toll roads, tax equity and CHIP funding ‘til you’re blue in the face. But it doesn’t make a difference if those issues have no resonance. If voters care about wearing pink hats on Tuesday, as ridiculous as that is, that’s what you have to talk about.
When the Campaign mentions the two Gattises, formerly Undecided voters immediately get a look of shock and revelation. Even moderate Republicans recognize that we must be right when we say “That’s too much power for one family. There’s a conflict of interests there.” This is where you come in: spread the word that if Dan Gattis is reelected, his father Gattis Sr. who is running unopposed will be County Judge, and that’s too much power in the hands of one family. It works! We intend to shine as much light on it as possible until Election Day. I sent a letter to the Williamson County Sun about it, and they printed it!
In the weeks that are left, we need as many volunteers as possible for our GOTV efforts. Please call or email either Jim (512-698-9240) or myself (512-484-9196) to sign up for pollwork or phone banking, because this will be a massive, and the most important of endeavors.
The following is a blog entry written by Stephanie Seaman, an intern on the 2006 Jim Stauber Campaign.
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As a college student in Williamson County, I am disturbed to see that the issue of higher education is not being given the attention it deserves. Over the past few decades the cost of higher education has risen far above the rate of inflation as well as the median family income. This fact causes a large concern that society cannot afford to ignore. Is the cost of higher education still worth it?
When the number of young adults having the opportunity to go to college drops because of financial means, the demand for college educated workers drops with it. Employers no longer have such high expectations for new hires and the focus becomes experience, not the attainment of a degree. Are the annual tuition hikes still insuring students a brighter and more successful future? The evidence that I have seen would suggest no. College graduates are having an increasingly difficult time acquiring jobs after graduation simply because of a lack of experience. But how could new college graduates have experience? The have been going to classes, taking tests, and learning more about their field of study for the past 4-7 years so that they will supposedly be prepared for the workforce. But in a society where experience speaks louder then higher education, it is the people who chose to forfeit their degree and break into the workforce earlier that hold the clear advantage and establish higher success at an earlier age.
As a current university student, this worries me. I am torn between the evidence that points me in the direction of dropping out of school and beginning the process of working my way up the corporate ladder gaining experience and the clear present advantage, or continuing my studies so that this state and this country can maintain its intellectual progress and prosperity. I find myself asking – what benefit does raising the cost of higher education have on society? I see no benefit. There is nothing scarier than the collapse of education and I feel that if this trend continues our whole society is at risk, “the American dream” is at risk. When students like myself are questioning whether the expansion of their knowledge is worthless, who will be left to continue to build our society?
