28 Things Capitol Staffers May Be Doing Right Now

by: Phillip Martin

Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 11:50 AM CST

In order of likeliness, what Capitol staffers are most likely doing right now:
  1. Having lunch.
  2. Thinking about having lunch.
  3. Calling around to offices to see if anyone else has any lunch.
  4. Thinking about having a second lunch.

  5. 2009 Calendars. Oh my, the calendars. Each office is allowed to order official State calendars, that have 12 photos inside/around the TX Capitol. The calendars can be personalized, with the Member's name, signature, and personal message. They then have to be stuffed into calendar envelopes and mailed. And despite the fact that the Rep. says (s)he wants to personally sign them all, there are still 3 stacks of them in their office that have gone untouched. The calendars are the bane of December existence.

  6. Filing bills
  7. Preparing to file bills
  8. Calling other offices about bills that have been filed
  9. Waiting to get HB 500, HB 600, HB 1000, and other easy to remember numbers for their bills
  10. Avoiding the bill number HB 2292 at all costs

  11. Completing one of their Capitol walks (There needs to be a profile done on the Capitol walkers -- the group of folks that take at least 2 breaks a day to walk along the edges of the entire extension (at least) to get a break from sitting on their computers. I'm thoroughly convinced these are the most informed, most connected people in the Capitol, and we know almost nothing about them. Gardner Selby: go!)

  12. Answering constituent calls about utility bills
  13. Answering constituent calls about X local issue
  14. Avoiding that call from that special constituent that calls every day
  15. Wondering why more constituents don't come by the office with a free lunch

  16. Staring at the mail pile, determining if it is time to sort it already
  17. Thinking if it is time to check the mail or not
  18. Checking the mail, only to be disappointed at more interagency letters that no one ever reads
  19. Figuring out how long a "I'm checking the mail" trip can reasonably last without anyone else wondering where you've gone off to

  20. Reading Quorum Report
  21. Reading Burkablog
  22. Trying to determine if reading perezhilton.com will get them in trouble or not
  23. Reading Burnt Orange Report

  24. Seeking out those hidden bathrooms in the extension that almost no one uses and are always 10 times cleaner than any other bathroom in the Capitol
  25. Finding out that a State Rep. is in there
  26. Making awkward bathroom conversation with a State Rep.
  27. Making more awkward bathroom conversation with a State Rep. because you walked into the women's bathroom instead of the men's
  28. Deciding never to go to the bathroom again
:)
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