If not for tort reform, John Cornyn could sue the makers of this video shown at the state Republican convention for - what? Malpractice? Wrongful death of his image? The deliberate infliction of pain and suffering on the voters of Texas? Or maybe he could sue his own campaign staff. Because this is just cow-pie-awful.
Words don't do justice to this campy, over-the-top, 2 1/2 minute video. U.S. Sen. John Cornyn's campaign cooked it up to introduce him to the Republican faithful at their state convention in Houston.
Could it possibly reek more of malt, hops -- even sour mash? Surely a good deal was drunk at the brainstorming session that produced it -- not least by Cornyn, described by a deep-voiced narrator as a manly man "who can shoot straight and talk straight and enjoy a good brew."
Cornyn media consultants at Strategic Perception in Los Angeles took images of him on horseback at the Houston rodeo parade and a similar event in Brownsville. Then, through the miracle of film editing, they created Senator Cowboy! You may have thought of Cornyn as a paper-pushing lawyer, judge, attorney general and now lawmaker. Behold the leather-skinned tamer of the wild frontier!
But wait, some 25 seconds into the video, what's that we see, in the close up of his hands holding the reins? Could those be ... paper cuts?
Intended as an introduction to the Republican Party of Texas state convention, the video, featuring awesomely overwrought voice overs and the most stoned gospel chorus ever assembled, basically depicts Cornyn as a dull-witted rodeo clown who never descends from his horse or stops dressing like Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy.
If you don't want to spend the rest of your evening envisioning John Cornyn in his own personal "Brokeback Mountain," you may want to skip this video, shown at the state Republican convention. I semi-watched it while covering my eyes and shrieking in horror...
John Cornyn showed this video at the Texas Republican Convention and showed just how out of touch he is with Texas. He talks about opening government to the people. Yes, we saw as the Republican party gave more tax breaks to big business and screwed the American public but he was all for it. He rooted out crooks? What ones? Haliburton and their no bid contracts? Maybe the Republican legislators or senators who ignored please about the abuse at the Veterans Hospitals? I don't think so.
It would have been a lot more accurate, though just as ridiculous to have him portrayed as a puppy, jumping up on Bush's lap to represent his lapdog purpose in life. Maybe to the tune of "How Much is that Doggie in the Window". Woof!
Only in about 15 seconds of the video is Cornyn shown without a cowboy hat, while a man with a deep bass voice tells us that John "is doing the Lord's work for Texas" (oh, God was against the updated GI Bill?) and a choir keeps singing in the background, "Big Johhhhhn."
Maybe someone forgot to remind Cornyn's staff that in the Jimmy Dean version of the song, John was buried in the bottom of a worthless pit. It seems an apt metaphor for someone who will soon be consigned to the dustbin of history.
John Cornyn gets to dress up like a cowboy, and ride a horsey and everything! Imagine John Lithgow as the cowboy character from the Village People, and you'll have some idea of what Senator Box Turtle looks like here. Note to Cornyn: stay away from the fringed suede.