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January 11, 2006

BORed - Strayhorn Mispells Her Name on Intent Letter

By Matt Hardigree

What happens when you have thirteen names? Sometimes, it seems, you mispell one. According to the Statesman:

Carole Keeton Strayhorn, the onetime schoolteacher hoping to oust Gov. Rick Perry in November, misspelled her last name, leaving out the Y, in her declaration of intent to run as an independent for governor.

In two parts of the one-page form, filed last week, her last name is spelled Strahorn, the Texas Secretary of State's office said today.

"Our office cannot recall a situation when a candidate misspelled their name on the top portion of the form and the affidavit itself, so we are currently looking into the situation," said Scott Haywood, spokesman for the agency, which oversees state elections.

Proving that "One Tough Grandma" may also be "One Senile Grandma." This is exactly the kind of silly mistake that we'd expect from Perry. However, Perry spokesflack Kathy Walt assures BOR that "The governor can spell his name without any help, in fact, he's been on the See & Spell all week practicing."

Posted at 02:48 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack

December 26, 2005

BORed: My Apologies

By Matt Hardigree

Sometimes you make mistakes. In politics, you're always making mistakes. But the biggest mistake of all, might be to not admit your mistakes. This is the lesson of Nixon, of Clinton and, perhaps, of Hardigree.

This is going to be all over the news, so I thought I should address this now. I made a call to Kinky's right-hand man Little Jewford and told him I thought he couldn't win the governor's race and should run for agricultural commissioner instead.

First, let me premise this by saying that this isn't in anyway connected with any of the campaigns that I'm working with. Second, let me say that Little Jewford and I are old friends and we've done lots of charity work in the past. So, I didn't think this was a big deal. Honestly.

I just told him what I felt to be the truth. I told him the words of that great Texan, Sam Rayburn (the longest serving and arguably most successful Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives in history) when he said: "Any Jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a carpenter to build one." I said that we need men of action, not men with action figures.

I also thought that Agricultural commissioner was a better fit for a man with his own line of salsa. I think that's true. He reminds me of a young Jim Hightower. Jim Hightower is America's favorite populist and Kinky is easily Texas' favorite Jew.

I also want to mention a call I made to Shirley Schmidt, chair of the Burnet County Democratic Party, who I told should run for Lt. Governor. I said that there could be lots of money for someone pursuing that seat. I don't remember a specific number, let's just say somewhere between $1.0 and $400.0 million dollars. Which I think is true.

So, there it is. I made a mistake. It's not my place and it looks suspicious. But, I'm apologizing. That's what is important. I mean, let's be honest. What the hell was I thinking? What did I think would happen? It's hilarious, if you think about it.

Posted at 06:33 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBack

November 26, 2005

BORed - Bombs Over Blogspot

By Matt Hardigree

Remember all the stink about President Bush making a remark about bombing Al Jazeera? I'm sure it was just a joke, but the people at Al Jazeera probably aren't excited about it. I don't blame them. Of course, now we have proof that they aren't big on the idea in the form of an Al Jazeera employee blog with the clever title "Don't Bomb Us."

The blog isn't that interesting. Robert Fisk is their favorite Middle East correspondant? Big shock. The best part is their flickr pool as it includes this photo:

Believe it or not, that's their second draft. Their first was "We truly insist that we have a full investigation of that thing Bush said about bombing our offices, the building, the satellites and the parking garage that we currently are owning at this moment. If not now, sometime in the immediate future. Thank you for the consideration"

Posted at 08:08 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 18, 2005

BORed: The Google Never Lies

By Matt Hardigree

I'm not one to get so excited about claiming that President Bush is the worst president ever, because he's the only president we've got right now (well, him and Dick Cheney).

Therefore, I was a bit surprised when I googled: the worst president and ended up with the official White House biography of George Bush.

Perhaps google can confirm what we all suspect...

Posted at 03:25 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBack

November 08, 2005

BORed - Live Blogging a Campaign Party

By Matt Hardigree

You're old pal Matt here, liveblogging from the two campaign parties at the old Rice Hotel in downtown Houston with Dan Laugharn (an old campaign pro). If you're in the area, it's on the corner of Texas and Main. The victory party for Bill White, Houston's incumbent Mayor, is taking place next to the victory party for Peter Brown, City Council Hopeful.

The mood is congenial, as both are asured a victory. This is a great departure from last year when I was doing defeat-shots of tequilla and downing Bud Light at the Max Sandlin "Campaign Wrap-up" party (what you have when you lose.) I ended up getting driven home by a campaign staffer who was nice enough to pull over before so that I could relieve myself in a ditch. Unfortunately, the ditch was full and I got wet.

So, in a night that could be full of dissapointment, it's nice to be somewhere warm and victorious.

Unfortunately, the beer is $4.50 a pop so I've got to make a run to the ATM. More as the night progresses.

**UPDATE ONE**

Just spoke with Mary Benton, who is also covering the election night parties. I know some people may be down on the MSM, but I must say she was quite helpful in describing how to cover a campaign party. According to her, the key is to capture the flavor. The other key is to stay at the side with the free bar.

The crowds are very similar at both parties because, well, they're right next to each other and everyone is making an appearance at both. The Brown side is more cramped or, if you will, more cozy. There's more of an atmosphere of togetherness. So, Advantage BROWN.

As alluded to earlier, the Brown party is sporting a fierce cash bar ($4.50 for a Shiner, C'mon). The White party has complimentary wine. Advantage WHITE.

Mary Benton is spending a little more time at the Brown side and, as we've mentioned, we love Mary Benton. Advantage BROWN.

Nothing says campaign party like a band and Brown has a nice little three piece jazz trio. However, Mayor White, now at 94%, is sporting a great six-piece band with a vocalist (who does a great cover of that Norah Jones song I like). Advantage WHITE.

The tie-breaker is the slogan. As Dan points out, the Mayor's campaign is "Get Moving Houston." Well, he's been the mayor for a term. What was he doing, sandbagging it? C'mon. Peter Brown, an architect, has "Building a Better Houston." Advantage BROWN.

We'll check in again after some complimentary drinks.

**Update Two**

As promised, people are dancing to the music of Klockwork (not to be confused with Kraftwork). They've promised to dance ALL, NIGHT, LONG. Brown is currently up to 53.5% with 12% reporting. White is down to 91%. The place to be is right between the Brown and White parties in what we're referring to as the beige party. If only Jeff Beige had run.

The Mayor should be coming down shortly. Update on District B - Khan is beating Khan by a strong margin. Captain Kirk is still pissed

** Update Three** Bill White has entered the building to the tune "Start Me Up," making us again wonder what was happening during the first term... other than the hurricanes and fixing the street lights.

We also snuck in a question before he talk to the MSM, our question:

"How do you respond to claims that you've been running up the score?"

His answer:

"We didn't campaign much. We just did good government."

Oh Mayor White, you're so modest.

Posted at 08:02 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

BORed - Election Day Contest

By Matt Hardigree

Today is a serious day and, hopefully, a day for celebration. In order to make the time pass a little quicker (does election day seem like 300 hours to anyone else?), we're going to be having a little contest.

Try to guess how Prop 1 and 2 are going to do. As a tiebreaker, guess how well Mayor White is going to do in Houston (the smart money says better than 92%). The closest one wins a prize. In the case of a tie, we go to the tie breaker. In the case of another tie the first one gets it. As simple as that. Leave your guess in the comment like such:

Prop 1: +10 (if you think it is going to get 60% of the vote)
Prop 2: - 10 (if you think it is going to fail and get 40% of the vote)
Tie: 90% (if you think he's going to get 90% of the vote)

Here's my guess:

Prop 1: +12
Prop 2: + 2
Tie: 95%

-----------
Your Turn.

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Update 1 - Polls Close at 7:00 pm, but the contest ends at 6:00 pm. Everyone is eligable, especially people who post on this site (seriously, these people need dates). If you don't know about Houston, shame on you.

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Update 2 - Prop 5 is not part of the contest, but guess if you want too. Please put your real email address or you can't be notified if you have won. The prize is a mystery, but let's just say that it is going to be more than $10.00 but less than $200.00.

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Update 3 - Travis County returns will be available here tonight, as well as precint by precinct reports.

Posted at 07:52 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (31) | TrackBack

October 19, 2005

BORed: Seperated at Birth

By Matt Hardigree

Which one is Dieter Zetsche, head of DaimlerChrysler, and which one is Tobias Funke, father/acter/analrapist (analyst and therapist)?

tobiaso01

or


dieter

Posted at 01:32 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack

October 12, 2005

BORed: My Old Congressman Charged With Drunk Driving

By Matt Hardigree

This isn't a partisan issue and this isn't part of the Republican's culture of corruption. This is just dissappointing. According to the Houston Chronicle. My congressman of many years, who I once ran a Ficus plant against, was arrested for drunk driving after a party in South Dakota.

Brady was pulled over by a South Dakota state trooper just before midnight Friday after receiving an alumni achievement award from his alma mater, the University of South Dakota. The award was presented at a dinner where wine was served, and Brady later attended a reception with a cash bar.

The five-term congressman was driving a Subaru Legacy sedan with several passengers on the two-lane State Highway 50 near Vermillion when he was stopped.

According to the police report, State Trooper Brent Mohrmann stopped Brady because of a problem with his taillights. After observing Brady, he asked him to step out of the car to take a battery of sobriety tests.

The part that gets me is something his wife said:

Brady's wife, Kathy, told KPRC-TV in Houston that she was in the car when he was pulled over about 100 feet from their hotel and that her husband learned a lesson to never drink and drive.

Rep. Kevin Brady represents The Woodlands, as well as a number of other cities. You would think that he would have learned his lesson before this. If only something might have happened to teach him that drunk driving was a bad idea.

The Associated Press

CONROE(AP) - Authorities Tuesday were investigating whether alcohol was a factor in an accident that left three teen-agers dead and two others seriously injured.

Troopers found beer cans in a cooler near the wreckage, but hadn't determined if alcohol contributed to the accident, Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Ray Leal said.

All the but the driver, who was trapped in the wrecked Jeep, were ejected from the vehicle when it ran off a winding residential road and rolled over Monday in Montgomery County just north of Houston.

And those are just a couple of the drunk driving fatalities that have occurred in his district while he has been our congressional representative. Caroline, who perished in the accident, was a funny and bright person and her loss should have been a good enough lesson.


Posted at 10:15 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBack

October 02, 2005

BORed - Full Disclosure

By Matt Hardigree

I've decided that I should come clean as to my many conflicts of interest. Those of you out there may not know that I've been doing a little bit of non-paid work with the Chris Bell campaign that has mostly consisted of me calling and bothering them.

Felix Alvarado, is not a name you've probably heard before, but he was my calculus teacher in high school and taught me how to stand and deliver.

Warren Chisum may be a huge homophobe, but he used to come over and watch Will & Grace at my apartment. He may hate the gays, but he loves the witty repartee of Karen and Jack.

Kinky is my illegitimate father. We had a rocky relationship for a while, but then he took me along with him to solve one of his mysteries and now I feel a lot closer to him.

Barbara Ann and I did something untoward one night after splitting a bottle of Jack at a rally for Jimmy Carter and nine months later Andy came into our lives. He doesn't know though, so don't tell him.

Well, I feel a lot better now.

Posted at 08:23 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 28, 2005

BORed: Aggies Boarding Up For A Storm

By Matt Hardigree

I thought it was important to interject a little bit of levity into a day whose news has left us sorrowful. This photo is courtesy of stirman.

Posted at 05:10 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBack

September 24, 2005

BORed: The Morning After, Don't Come Back

By Matt Hardigree

Through rain, wind and limbs we've surived the storm. Though, for us, it wasn't much of a storm. Winds didn't seem to get much higher than 45 mph sustained with gusts up to 65 mph. I learned a lot about myself. I learned that half-frozen water is better than regular water. I now know which reporters for which stations don't speak Spanish. I learned how much my relatives smoke (about 600 cigarettes since Thursday morning), but also how much it means to have them around.

I learned that the President, the governor and the mayor don't want people to return. Yet, I know people who are doing that. I now know which friends are well prepared for catastrophe, and which ones we'll eat first.

There are a few trees down in the area, some large branches and about one million small branches. All of our utilities are working (with only an occasional flicker). I've got so many batteries I feel like I need to buy a Sega Nomad.

I've decided I like Judge Robert Eckels and Mayor Bill White, a lot. Though, after Katrina I already decided that. Though we dodged a bullet, I hope that no one think that will happened again.

In Corpus Christi, Hurricane Beulah struck in 1967 and everyone packed up. Not a lot happened to Corpus Christi, though it spawned a significant number of tornadoes and caused a lot of damage. Then, three years later Hurricane Celia struck Corpus and not as many people left. Unfortunately, 20 people died. People learned that a 130 mph storm can have gusts as high as 180 mph and do significant damage. We shouldn't make the mistake.

I'm going to get something carbonated, I've been pigging out on storm food (and storing some away for next time).

**UPDATE ONE** Highlight from local media "People need to not come through Hempstead, there's bumper-to-bumper traffic, no gas... and our McDonalds is Closed!" Having eaten at that McD's, I have to say it's a travesty. Godspped Terry Kolenovsky.

Whew, it's windy outside.

Posted at 12:02 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 23, 2005

BORed: The Pine Sky Is Falling

By Matt Hardigree

As I started to type this post and let everyone know that nothing's really happening yet, BOOM. The first large branch succumed to the wind and rain and hit the ground. As far as I can tell, it didn't hit anything important. All of our cars are in garages (with the exception of my car) and the entire staff of the news organizations are on the beach somewhere... including the sports guys! Nothing like play-by-play of a hurricane.

For those who want to know how people in Houston are doing, Turn on CNN. In The Woodlands we're just on the edge of the storm and are getting some rain, a little but of trash debris and rain.

For those who aren't seeing local news, here are some highlights from the disaster-that-probably- won't-be-quite-as-bad- for-us-except-for-the-people- who-died-on-the-roads:

1. The Reporter From KHOU-TV (11) losing his KHOU hat and chasing it into the Gulf of Mexico "Arnesto, can you... awwww!"

2. An interview with someone who waited in line for an hour to buy two Mountain Dews. The highlight being the guy behind him holding up a 40 of Colt 45 exclaiming "You need beer man, you need beer." That's a Houstonian for you.

3. Radar, the Weather Dog. KPRC-TV (2) has a weather forecasting dog and, apparantly, people calling up seem to be concerned about the dog. Okay, we were concerned too. The dog is cute and he's a weather nerd and I'm glad he's okay.

4. The guy who lost his hat, just lost his photographer and then holds up the wind measurement device (anemometer) and says "I think it's about 12 mph." Dr. Neil Frank (former head of the National Hurricane Center) is wise enough to tell him that his device is probably miscalibrated or he's using it incorrectly.

I'm relocating to the living room, an update when something happens or I get drunk.

**UPDATE 1** I fixed some errors, but I'm blogging from a moderately inconvenient storm, man. Winds are starting to pick up, I imagine we'll be getting 40 or 50 mph winds in the next few hours and will relocate again to a completely boarded up room (though the TV doesn't have a remote.). If it gets any worse than that, I've got a phone cable that will reach to the bathroom.

I'd also like to add, in response to the nice comment below, that the MSM is doing a fairly good job here. Also, I'd like to add I'm not going to stand out in that shit for your edification.

**UPDATE 2** ABC-13 seems to have had a lost hat incident that I missed, because they just reunited their reporter on Galveston with her hat. If you see a lost hat with a news organization name on it, please send them to me. I feel like I should lose something. Ummm... OMG, my iced tea. Where did I put my Iced tea?

Oh, there it is. I've been reunited with my hat. Whew, that's great.

Posted at 08:31 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

BORed - Turkey Meatballs, Dos XX and Cats - Oh My!

By Matt Hardigree

Those of us here at Camp Rita are showering, cooking and drinking (in no particular order and sometimes simultaneously). I'm sitting on my couch, eating and blogging. I've got a lot to talk about, but for now a little Eye Candy:

51

That's me and my father boarding up windows yesterday. That's right, ya'll, Vote Focus!

Posted at 05:16 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

BORed - Writing out the storm

By Matt Hardigree

Not to dissapoint, but it shouldn't be that bad here. Nevertheless, all of the work here is done and I'm just enjyoing the food, the live tv and the air-conditioning.

A note on the live tv. I'm currently watching Channel 2 in Houston and I have to admit that it's better than the usual sensationalistic attitude they usually have. In fact, the station that brought us a guy whose job was to drive a car in a lake, get maced, attacked by a dog and make whoopy with one of the anchors in public places (okay, that's just a rumor, but a good one) is now the station that is not over-hyping or trying to scare people. It makes me think they should be unscripted more often.

Also, Radar the Weather dog is safe... now I can sleep.

Posted at 01:18 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

BORed - Contraflowing

By Matt Hardigree

Stayed up last night playing video games, drinking beer and eating cookies. These are things you can do when you've prepared. Having my nuts squirreled way feels good. Surprisingly, we're some of only 10% of The Woodlands population that has boarded up. Our neighbors, however, took are cue and started disassembling their fence for wood!

WORD OF THE STORM: Contraflow - (n) 1. the reversal of traffic on a road. 2. When a Nicaraguan Guerilla gets funky.

It's so fun when a word gets added to the Lexicon. As of now, people are using that word in every other sentence. Example, "I don't think that frozen burrito was good, I'm afraid I'm going to CONTRA FLOW."

TASTELESS SAT ANALOGY OF THE STORM (Courtesy of Dan):

Beaumont:Kennedy Assassination::Houston:Reagan Assassination

That's it for now, more work to do!.

Posted at 10:18 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 22, 2005

BORed: I want to eat a chicken, a whole damn chicken

By Matt Hardigree

The restaurants are closed, but the windows are boarded. A full day of effort and we've gotten the 2nd floor of my grandfather's house (two doors down) and my entire house boarded up. That just leaves cleaning up the backyards and nailing a few boards on the first floor of grandfather's place (which, compared to the 2nd floor, is going to be a dream).

An Aunt and Uncle made it in (after 8 hours) from Clear Lake, and are now out of harms way. The current track looks to take the eyewall pretty close to us, of course it could be a Cat 1`by then, still nothing to scoff at.

My baby is safe and sound after a 20 hour trip from Sugar Land to Austin (compared to the usual 3.25 hours). She said she had one bathroom break, no sleep and is so far past miserable that she almost doesn't feel bad. I feel great, knowing that she's safe. Now I want to eat a whole damn chicken.

Posted at 05:21 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

BORed: Mid-day update from The Woods, Master Card 911

By Matt Hardigree

What's the X factor in surviving a disaster? Panic. Too much of it, you become careless. Not enough of it, you become careless. Today's example comes from right at home. My mother thought she lost her wallet and FREAKED OUT! She thought about identity theft, them taking stuff out of her wallet and emptying her bank accounts. Her voter registration card was in there, too, so she worried about someone voting Republican in her place.

They went driving around town like chickens with their heads cut-off. Eventually, we were able to calm her down by calling the companies, cancelling the cards and reminding her that, at the most, we'd have to pay $50 for fraudulent charges. So, everything worked out and was cancelled and, up to that point, no one had used it.

Then, when calm, a light snapped in her head and she walked right to the wallet, jammed in the seat of another car. Thus, the power of taking a deep breath. BTW, if anyone wants to send gas to my girlfriend, she's somewhere between SEALY and COLUMBUS in an ugly blue-to-light-blue Stinkin Lincoln Navigator.

Posted at 11:40 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

BORed: Hurricane Update, morning edition, ironic that it should happen to a gumbo zone.

By Matt Hardigree

10:00 am CDT - Report From Camp Rita -

Having stocked up on all necessary supplies (water, food and batteries) I thought it was time to get some less essential items... namely beer. So now I've got sixteen bottles of medicine (Dos X and Houston's own St. Arnold's Lawnmower) in the fridge. They way I look at it, I'm used to warm water but I can't stand warm beer.

Storms truly do bring out the best and worst in people, and this was never more evident than at the grocery store. Amid huge lines, there was a spirit of generosity and hope.

THE BEST:

1. People getting out line to get people things. At one point they announced fresh bread from the bakery and strangers buddied up to go retrieve bread for each other.

2. My grandfather called and asked for evaporated milk (they gotta have their coffee) and I wasn't sure where to find it. The family behind me called out direction and, when I still couldn't find it (I suffer from Refrigerator Blindness, chronicled by Pieget in his later work on the pre-teen, where I lack object permanence when it comes to food and drink in the fridge or on a shelf) they dispatched grandma to help me.

3. People letting me, with less items, cut through a massively long line.

4. People not hoarding water, taking what they think they'll need for a few days.

THE WORST

1. I saw someone purchase a reasonable amount of water and food and then... wait for it... a 12 pack of Smirnoff Ice. Apparently, taste is the first thing to go in a catastrophe. The woman with the six pack of assorted white wines gave me a look that said "We most tolerate this, if only for the children."

PLANS

Continue boarding up. Trying to eat. Will check back in after the next tropical update.

GIRLFRIEND

My girlfriend has only made it to Sealy, Texas after leaving at 8:00 pm last night from Sugar Land. For those unfamiliar with the geography, that's usually the halfway point of a four hour drive. Not to mention, they're taking my girlfriend's mom's boyfriend's Lincoln Navigator, which sucks gas. If only they had a focus, it sips gas and you can push it if you're moving slowly.

TRACK

The latest update takes us out of the dirty side and seems to conspire with SHIPS to weaken it. We'll see if that holds. If so, that's slightly better news for us and the west side of Houston, bad news for Galveston/East Houston.

Posted at 10:02 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 21, 2005

BOREed: Evening Report from The Woodlands

By Matt Hardigree

You'll have to forgive me if I'm a little emo, but my girlfriend was going to come to The Woodlands but has decided to go to Austin instead with her folks (well, it wasn't much her decision). So, we're now hurricane-crossed lovers in the spirit of Shakespeare and, franky, I want to die. Not to mention, cell phone service is severly limited, making it very hard for me to holla at my girl. If that "Can you hear me now" guy was around, I'd probably steal his phone or pop him in the face.

So, now I can't eat and I keep bumping my head on things. Thank god we've got ice because I'm going to be swollen. For the moment, I'm hoping when she gets to Austin we can communicate the old fashion way - over iChat. Holy crap, this is turning into a livejournal quicker than I expected. I'm like Murrow reporting from the blitz, except with a broken heart and The West Wing on DVD.

Status Report from Camp Rita -

Things we've got:
1. Snickers for calories, the only things I can keep down.
2. Bagging the ice from ice maker.
3. Water for approximately 3 days (at 1.5 gallons per person per day). Going to hunt for more tomorrow.
4. Enough tuna, peanut butter, canned ravioli and assorted other canned goods to last approximately one week.
5. DVDS: The West Wing Season Two, Sports Night the Complete Series, Keen Eddie and some...legal downloads of other stuff.

Things to do:
1. Retrieve more water.
2. Get a car charger for the cell phone (duh!).
3. Complete boarding up of house.
4. Get in touch with girlfriend.
5. Breathe.

So that's it for now, when I start weeping and writing about how I've reached the depth of despair and my despair is greater than any others I imagine they'll just change my password. I'm going to be looking for ways to blame this on Tom Delay and then I'll get back with you later tonight.

**Update** 12:20 AM CDT ** If anyone has any traffic information for I-10 out of town, let me know. I'm talking to someone who isn't moving very fast. I'm going to get some sleep and then start BOaRding windows and checking stocks. I'll let you know how it is.

Posted at 08:55 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

BORed: Live Blogging The Storm

By Matt Hardigree

You heard right. I'm going to be live blogging the wind, the rain and the unavoidable sense of panic from my homebase in The Woodlands, Texas .

At the moment, everyone is in "wait and see" mode. Which here means "Wait (too long) and (you won't) see (any necessary supplies."

If your in the Houston area and you're trying to find the following:

Gas
Bottled Water
D Batteries
Plywood

Then you're going to have to drive away from town or get up early in the morning. Speaking of early in the morning, the sooner you start at daylight, the easier it is going to be to get somewhere. One overturned 40' sailboat can block a highway.

Here's a good example of a hurricane surival kit from the City of Tampa:
· Two weeks supply of prescription medicines
· Two weeks supply of non-perishable/special dietary foods. Buy plenty of nonperishable foods, because there won't be any refrigeration.
· Drinking water/containers: 1 gallon per person per day for two weeks. It's a good idea to sterilize the bathtub and fill it with water just before the storm.
· Flashlights and batteries for each member of the family Energizer makes a new flashlight that can adjust to use multiple batteries.
· Portable radio and (7 sets) batteries (so you can listen to the game, and AM 740, the Houston EAS channel)
· First aid book and kit including bandages, antiseptic, tape, compress, non aspirin pain reliever, anti-diarrhea medication
· Mosquito repellent and citronella candles
· Two coolers (one to keep food; the other to go get the ice)
· Plastic tarp for roof/window repair, screening, tools, nails, etc.
· Water purification kits (tablets, chlorine (plain) and iodine)
· Infant necessities (medication, sterile water, diapers, ready formula, bottles)
· Clean up supplies (mop, buckets, towels, disinfectant)
· Camera and film (keep track of what gets damaged for insurance purposes).
· Non-electric can opener (doubles as a bottle opener)
· Extra batteries for camera, portable TV & lamps, etc.
· Plastic trash bags
· Toilet paper, paper towels and pre-moistened towelettes,

Posted at 01:21 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 10, 2005

BORed: Creating a "Gumbo Zone," Or, The Stupidest Campaign Proposal Yet

By Matt Hardigree

Today, Senate hopeful Barbara Ann Radnofsky issued a press release that demonstrated that the President isn't the only one who lacks any clear concept of how to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Here's a little taste:

US Senate candidate Barbara Ann Radnofsky today called for the development of economic and cultural zones in Texas focusing on the music, architecture and cuisine of New Orleans. “We must create an opportunity to preserve and promote the unique culture of New Orleans and provide economic opportunity to evacuees and to those communities that have welcomed them.”

Any city that has received evacuees from any affected area would be able to apply for federal funding that would allow the development of an economic and cultural “Gumbo” zone within the city. “What better way to promote the culture of New Orleans than to provide an economic incentive for storm survivors to preserve their heritage and develop job opportunities in their adoptive communities?”

Wow. Many may focus on the fact that this Senate hopeful, who I generally like, is proposing that what the people of NOLA are missing is Gumbo, and not their jobs. Others may place emphasis on the implication made, like Dennis Hastert's, that the residents of New Orleans won't have a chance to recapture the spirit of the Crescent City in the Crescent City.

Surely, some of the pessimists among us may focus on the utter lack of any concept of urban planning that went into proposing, what is, an artistic ghetto loosely based on the spirit of a city.

But I, the art fan, see something far more disturbing in this proposal. Constantin Brancusi, the abstract Romanian sculptor, once said "What is real is not the external form, but the essence of things . . . it is impossible for anyone to express anything essentially real by imitating its exterior surface." Barbara Ann is implying that a culture, a history, a style is something that can be federally funded and established in zones.

Culture, at its simplest, is developed through the interaction of mankind with history, with the environment and with preexisting dominant cultures. New Orleans culture will be changed by this event, no doubt, and we should support the preservation of it. But it isn't something that can be transplanted so simply and the implication that it could be is absurd and embarrassing.

Posted at 02:41 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBack

September 07, 2005

BORed: Harry Connick, Jr. Named Prince Of New Orleans

By Matt Hardigree


Harry Connick, Jr. New king of New Orleans (Photo MSNBC.com)

Unfortunately, with the large numbers of evacuees from New Orleans camping out in the Reliant/Astrodome complex, ominous rumors have become as prevalent as fake breasts in Houston. I've heard stories of rape, suicide, disease, looting and car-jacking in the last few days connected with our new visitors. Fortunately, most of these are just that, rumors. The great people over at the Houston Chronicle's Dome Blog have been keeping track of them.

I've been volunteering in and around Houston and I've yet to see anything out of the ordinary. As well, my father is a security officer and has been working shifts at the dome, supervising bag check and pat-down and he said the biggest issue at the Dome was the lack of privacy. I might add that having a Hardigree responsible for any amount of security is probably another area of concern.

Sick of hearing all of these untrue and negative rumors aimed at a group that is, by and large, Black and socio-economically disadvantaged, I thought I'd start a few more positive rumors. I know that posting rumors on this blog is out-of-the-ordinary, so please forgive me this one time.

1. Harry Connick, Jr. Named King of New Orleans - Harry Connick, Jr., the beloved New Orleans-based songwriter named King of The Big Easy by the remaining residents of that city. When asked why, Tom DeJeanue explained that "It took four days for FEMA to get here, but it only took King Harry two to get here with a boat and a film crew... plus I love the When Harry Met Sally soundtrack." The line of succession is unclear as the kingdom could be divided amongst any of his three daughters: Princess Georgia, Sara or Cordelia.

2. Toxic Sludge Makes a Delicious Hot Sauce and Fossil Fuel - The toxic stew that now covers 60% of the Crescent City, while disease ridden, makes for a spicy compliment to poboys, red beans and rice and other regional cuisine. The sludge can also be used to power converted diesel engines, thus solving the gas crisis.

3. Kanye West "Bush Doesn't Care About Black People... but I Just Saved Money On My Car Insurance by Switching to GEICO" - When Kanye West went off-prompter during an NBC benefit concert for survivors of Katrina he said that "Bush Doesn't Care About Black People" and was then cutoff by the producer. West later explained that this was merely a segue for him to extoll the fiscal benefits of an insurance company that doesn't pay independent agents.

4. Geraldo attempts to excavate Louis Armstrong's tomb, eaten by alligators - Self-serving, gas-bag pseudo-journalist Geraldo Rivera was dispatched to New Orleans by pseudo-news source Fox News. After "borrowing" a few babies from evacuee mothers, Rivera hosted a special where he promised to unlock the secrets of Louis Armstrong's tomb. Unfortunately, the tomb was empty but for a few alligators which promptly tore him apart limb-from-limb.

5. Reliant center area renamed "Eckelsville" - In honor of Harris County Judge and Houston Homeland Security Chief Robert Eckels, the Reliant Center area has been named Eckelsville. The residents will be drinking Perry-a water and eating Mayor Bill White-bread lettuce and tomato sandwiches.

All joking aside, I've been proud of Texas and proud of Houstonians who have worked hard to care for the victims of this tragedy. I've been turned down for dates before, but this is the first weekend that I've been turned down after volunteering. There is still a lot of need out there and I suggest that, before you drive to the dome, you check with Volunteer Houston or the specific entity you plant to volunteer with.

Posted at 07:41 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 31, 2005

BORed: How to (ab)use a blogger

By Matt Hardigree

Having worked as a blogger, and as a paid campaign consultant, I can tell you with authority that good communication benefits both sides. Also, if the mainstream media is the hard-to-get head cheerleader, bloggers are the cheap date that's a sure thing. Cultivating a symbiotic relationship with a real journalist is a challenging dance that is truly fascinating to watch. Cultivating a relationship with a blogger is as challenging as picking up a Big Mac. The following are a few tips to help aid the "online media strategists" and "communication consultants" out there:

Don't Send Press Releases, Send Press Releases With Notes - Will bloggers reprint your press releases in full when you email them out? yes; however, if you attach a little personal note you can enhance your message. Example: you put a note on top that says "Karl, how are you? I think this is going to be center-piece of our campaign" they'll write "I have it on inside authority from high-ups in the campaign that this is going to be a center-piece of their campaign." It is as simple as that. Remember, bloggers work on the idea that they've got access the regular person does not have.

"Free stuff? No, that's not a conflict of interest." - As I learned from my last column, writing about a candidate will get you free stuff. They'll even offer to give it to you in the comment section. For a regular journalist, this would be an appalling conflict-of-interest. For a blogger, this is par-for-the-course. Does giving bloggers free stuff work? Ask my dear friend Peter Brown. Did I mention that he's had a hand in downtown renovation?

Politicians are celebs for bloggers and blogger junkies - Doing a personal interview with a blogger, especially if you're a candidate for a statewide office, makes their day. Hell, they're excited to talk to Charles Soechting. This is good for you, but remember: THEY'LL PRINT EVERYTHING. I have to be honest, even I don't read all of them. So it might be advisable to get your candidates to stick to talking points.

Bloggers are cheap drunks -

That picture is of Karl-T after two shirley temples. After the third, he started making out with the cardboard Kerry. (Lies, lies! -KT) Wanna get a blogger on your side? By him or her liquor.

"You're... Mark? Nathan? Nathan Mark? Archer Wilcox? - Bloggers, contrary to popular belief, are people too. The ego of a blogger isn't great, and calling them the wrong name doesn't help. Other significantly human emotions also apply. One important emotion to consider is jealousy. If you spend a lot of time sending info to one blog, but ignore another, there isn't anything stopping that other blogger from saying bad things about you.

Avoid the comment section - In general, you can learn a great deal about what the most rabid politcos are thinking from the comment section. That being said, don't jump into the fray unless you have to, even if someone says something bad. At some point you're going to have to defend yourself, but if you do it once people will expect you to do it everytime. Plus, someone constantly harping on you starts to appear like another candidate's lacky and annoys everyone (though, I'm not singling anyone one out. Banana Apple Bargain Yoga SNickers OOgle Killer Sandwich.)

Don't waste all of your time on blogs The power of the web is always growing and impossible to ignore... but only 18% of people read blogs at most. Knock on a few doors!

Anything else? Leave it in the comment section:

Posted at 12:26 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

August 24, 2005

BORed: Crashing a Campaign Party

By Matt Hardigree

Last night I attended the Campaign Kickoff for Peter Brown, who is running for city council place one in Houston. Peter Brown is a great candidate, but even more important, it was a great party. Tis the season for campaign parties and these few tips could be the difference between a boring night with people you don't know and a great night with people you don't know.

1.Write Something Interesting on Your Name Tag - a great way to get people to interact with you, if they don't know you, is to give them some clue as to who you are. For instance, i wrote "burntorangereport.com" under my name. This let people know that I'm a blogger, which is a lot like a reporter, except that I don't ask tough questions and can reprint campaign press releases word-for-word.

This also encourages people who might be fans of the site to come over and say hello. One such kind gentleman did do this last night and, much to my surprise, said he cancelled his subscription to the New York Times because he now gets all of his news from BOR and other blogs. I swear, I didn't see him drinking.

My friend Dan had the best name tag, it read "Dan: Upstairs Neighbor" because Dan literally lives above the campaign headquarters. Now he gets to put a sign in his window.

2. Booze first, Guest of honor second, everyone else third - The first thing to go at a campaign party, specifically a Democratic one, is the free liquor. That means you should work your way through the crowd to enjoy the drinks while they're free because the people aren't going anywhere and some of the people aren't tolerable without liquor. Props to the Brown crew for keeping the vino flowing.

The second thing that goes is the guest of honor. Last night's guest was former Secretary of Housing and Urban Affairs and San Antonio Mayor Henry Cisneros. He delivered a rousing speech about the importance of qualified individuals running for office that was one of the highlights of the night. Unfortunately, and understandably, he was fairly quickly out the door and on a plane before I could get a good conversation in.

3. Dress sharply - These things are often crawling with the daughters of important people, college students, young lawyers and politically active people and you want to look good. I recommend a business casual look that says: "I'm a professional and I can dress myself, but I'm not a hired campaign consultant."

4. Avoid anyone that a colleague may have accused of being part of a vast John Sharp conspiracy - Mark Nathan, of Draft John Sharp notoriety was at the event and, though I wanted to say hello, mingle, but I thought it might kill the buzz.

5. Make a friend on the campaign - It doesn't hurt to know someone, anyone, actually working on the campaign. Down the line it can mean the difference between manning the phones and standing in the freezing rain handing out flyers come election day. I lucked out last night as the volunteer working the front door went to my high school and doesn't hold that against me.

6. Don't continually push your cause - People go to these things to have a good time and support the candidate, yet someone always has to introduce themselves, and their agenda, to everyone else at the party. Don't be that guy. Sheila Jackson Lee dropped in a mention of a peace rally at the end of Brown's introduction and got away with it... but not many of us are Sheila Jackson Lee.

7. Finally, get while the getting is good - Campaigns are happiest to get rid of their paraphernalia at the beginning and the end of an election. If you want a cool shirt, button or Nalgene bottle, don't hesitate a moment. The hot item of the night was the Pete Brown magnet which conveniently fits on cars without an adhesive. One woman got hip to this and walked out with 20, you know, "For her friends."

These are just a few ways to make the campaign party extra enjoyable, feel free to share your tips in the section below.

It seems Mark Nathan and Nathan Archer and Nathon Wilcox are all different people, the correction has been made.

Posted at 12:49 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (14) | TrackBack

August 19, 2005

BORed: Get Rich or Sine Die Tryin'

By Matt Hardigree

(Introducing a new feature for BOR where you get a chance to be as funny as we are. This new event involves you completing a phrase in a comical way).

Today's phrase is: Sine Die

Our Examples:

1. Get Rich or Sine Die Tryin'.

2. Sine Dye.

3. Sine Diebold Conspiracy.

Leave your entries in the comment section. The best answer gets the "David Greogry Workout Tape."

Posted at 02:24 PM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack

August 17, 2005

BORed: My Jog With Tom Craddick

By Matt Hardigree

(Karl-T putting in some kind of disclaimer so that he doesn't get in trouble, explaining BORed) Eh, I don't know if I could begin to explain it. This column will be called BORed, a play off of the word it creates, as well as being exactly what it says it is, BOR editorial commentary. So please, don't sue us, that wouldn't be funny, which of course isn't all that different from this column. Happy Hump Day. -KT

craddickjogginwithmattI was asked to join Tom Craddick this morning to discuss his perceived image problem, which apparently extend beyond his significant breasts. Little did I know that it would be running away from the Capitol at full speed. I tried to explain to him that bloggers are lucky to exercise their fingers (though our wrists get a significant workout), and that's only if they umm... post everyday (which I don't). Also, he wanted me up at 7 a.m. To that I replied, "Up at 7 a.m.? I'm a blogger. I'm up until 7 a.m. saving the world by posting on Kos files" So with my trusty iPod microphone attachment I hit the road with Tom Craddick and I asked him a few questions along the way. The sacrifices I make for the twelve people who'll actually read all of this.

MLH: Good morning Tom!
TC: Keep your voice down, they'll find me!
MLH: Who'll find you?
TC: Them, the media.
MLH: Tom, why are you running from the Capitol?
TC: I'm from Midland, I know the stench of failure, and this place reeks of it.
MLH: The Governor has called special session after special session, we still have no answer for school finance, for property tax relief and yet we've passed pay raises for state legislators and the cheerleading bill.
TC: Yeah, obviously the hostile environment in the house has taken its toll. The Democrats won't budge and we've stripped them of as much of their voice as possible.

MLH: Dog shit.
TC: No, it's true.
MLH: No, on the ground
TC: That's not Dog doody, that's the Hochberg Amendment... hahahahaha.
MLH: The Hochberg Amendment is on your shoe.
TC: Crap.
MLH: As a leader, what do you think you do worst?

TC: Dewhurst? Where? That SOB only wants the governor to keep calling special sessions so he can keep the various staffers close by, if you know what I mean.
MLH: I think I do.
TC: Female staffers.
MLH: I get it.
TC:The younger the better.
MLH: I really get it. So why are you reaching out to bloggers?
TC: The new technology allows us to reach out to our most active and interested constituency.
MLH: Really?
TC: Is gullible in the dictionary?
MLH: So why are you really talking to bloggers?
TC: What do Cat Osterman and Greg Wythe have in common?
MLH: What?
TC: Softballs... he he he he.
MLH: Are you saying I wont ask you tough questions?
TC: Tough questions? You can barely breathe. I wish I could take Ratcliffe, Hoppe, Brooks and the whole bunch with me during these jogs.
MLH: You run from the Capitol often?
TC: As often as I can.
MLH: What do you think about the 2006 Gubernatorial Race?
TC: Perry all the way.
MLH: How do you know?
TC: Our wise forefathers created a weak executive in this state, and Rick Perry fulfills his constitutional obligation every day he doesn't accomplish something.
MLH: You think the Republicans will line up behind him?
TC: Sure, he makes us all look better. He makes Joe Nixon look like Martha Wong and Martha Wong look like Florence Shapiro.
MLH: I don't know what that means.
TC: Shoot, me neither.
MLH: Anything you want to add?
TC: Adios, MoMo.
MLH: MoFo.
TC: Whatever.

And that's where our interview ended. Speaker Craddick jumped into a hedge behind the Capital Metro building on Congress and made me continue jogging along to the bridge, to throw off any aides that might be trailing us. I couldn't help but feel closer to the man. Being Speaker of the Texas House of Representatives is a tough job, like being a high school teacher, except with better pay, a huge staff and newer books.

Posted at 08:55 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack

Introducing Matt Hardigree, as if he needs it

By Matt Hardigree

Matt Hardigree (who has inspired me to add Urban Studies as a double major to my Government degree plan) is our newest addition to the Burnt Orange crew. He'll be running a, well, "humor" column each Wednesday on this site, with the permission to make you laugh and cry at our expense. And to totally help us regain market share from PinkDome among 14-28 year old gay men who have been distracted by that pretty new site design. But don't worry ladies, and sorry guys, I hear that Matt is indeed one of those het-er-o-sex-uals. Welcome him nonetheless. -KT

My name is Matt Hardigree and if you don't know who I am, where have you been?

Karl-T, on numerous occasions, has asked me to grace this site with my unique wit, which knows no bounds, and my unique-for-BOR perspective, which extends beyond liking girls. The constant begging, the late-night calls, the threats of self-immolation convinced me that it was perhaps time to give-in.

For those few who may not have heard my name on the lips of important people, or read of my glory in the pages of important periodicals, allow me to briefly indulge myself in recounting my conquests.

At the age of 18, I ran a ficus plant against my congressman, Kevin Brady (R- The Woodlands), and have never been the same since. The ficus lost, but not without garnering some great media attention. It is where I learned to appreciate the grassroots.

I've done campaign work and legislative work for two State Reps and, most recently, co-created the Max Sandlin for Congress website. Like the Ficus, he also lost (though the Ficus, it could be argued, had a more reasonable district).

At the University of Texas I was the president of the Texas Union Student Events Center (what was the Texas Union Council, for older alum) which was much larger and more important than Marcus' organization… but he's okay with that.

The accomplishment that most qualifies me for posting on the Burnt Orange Report was my stint as a weekly columnist for The Daily Texan. What made me the most beloved columnist for the paper was not my command of the English language, which soon-to-be legendary editor Ben Heath once described as "Piss poor at best," nor was it my political insight, which, though better than Byron's at a municipal level, lacks a certain sophistication. My one great asset was my humor, infectious and modest.

That isn't to say BOR writers can't be funny, Dobbs is hilarious. It's just that Dobbs is unintentionally funny, the way children are.

On this site, I will act as an ombudsman of sorts, offering critiques
of the net-roots community, of those who make comments, of the BORers
and, you can be assured, never of myself.

Posted at 08:36 AM to BORed | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack
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