Burnt Orange Report

BORed - Full Disclosure

By Matt Hardigree

I've decided that I should come clean as to my many conflicts of interest. Those of you out there may not know that I've been doing a little bit of non-paid work with the Chris Bell campaign that has mostly consisted of me calling and bothering them.

Felix Alvarado, is not a name you've probably heard before, but he was my calculus teacher in high school and taught me how to stand and deliver.

Warren Chisum may be a huge homophobe, but he used to come over and watch Will & Grace at my apartment. He may hate the gays, but he loves the witty repartee of Karen and Jack.

Kinky is my illegitimate father. We had a rocky relationship for a while, but then he took me along with him to solve one of his mysteries and now I feel a lot closer to him.

Barbara Ann and I did something untoward one night after splitting a bottle of Jack at a rally for Jimmy Carter and nine months later Andy came into our lives. He doesn't know though, so don't tell him.

Well, I feel a lot better now.