Rick Perry Inaction Figure
By Karl-Thomas Musselman
I've always been a fan of John Kelso's columns in the Statesman and his latest one, inspired by the Kinky Action Figure Fun Drive ($45k out of $75k raised so far) is by far one of the best in a long time. Here are some of the good bits...
Gov. Perry ought to come up with his own Rick Perry doll. How about a clueless doll that doesn't know what to do about school funding, so it calls another special session. And it has really nice hair.
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To make it interesting, other people should follow Friedman's lead and come out with their own action figures. But just what tricks would each doll perform?
The Carole Keeton Strayhorn doll: Put it in water and it balloons up, then it gets skinny, then it swells up again. It also talks too fast and intermittently accuses the Rick Perry doll of being a drugstore cowboy.
The Tom Craddick doll: It throws its hands in the air, gives up and tells everybody to go home.
The Karl Rove doll: The toy stores are recalling it because it's leaking.
The George W. Bush doll: It's a fit doll; it has a low resting heart rate and job approval numbers to match.
The Scott McClellan doll: Its lips move, but it doesn't say anything.
The Mayor Will Wynn doll: When voters tell it to go jump in the lake because of toll roads, it takes it to heart and leaps off a bridge.
The Chris Bell doll: Who the hell is Chris Bell?
The Mack Brown doll: Usually a smiling doll, on OU weekend it throws itself on the ground and sobs uncontrollably.
The Ricky Williams doll: It lives in a tent and smokes a fatty.
The Willie Nelson doll: It lives on a tour bus and smokes two fatties.
Whole Foods Market shopper doll: It pays $20 a pound for whale-safe frankfurters and takes seaweed pills.
The Williamson County suburbanite doll: It calls for the death penalty for minors, watches Fox News, then goes to bed at 9 p.m.
The Bouldin Creek Neighborhood Association doll: It walks up and down South Congress Avenue looking for something to bitch about.
I'd love to add to this list, so leave some ideas in the comments.
Posted by Karl-Thomas Musselman at August 9, 2005 12:31 AM
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