The California Debate, abridged
By Andrew Dobbs
Moderator: Good evening, this will be a night of chaos and confusion. We gave these people the questions a week ago but now we are going to dispense with rules and have a meandering shouting match. Let's begin.
Arnold: *interrupting someone, probably Arianna Huffington* All you want to do is tax tax tax! Businesses have abandoned California, blah blah blah *insert modestly clever catch phrase*
Tom McClintock: *crosseyed* Let's eliminate all taxes except for the most regressive, let's cut all state spending other than enforcing immigration laws. I'm probably the smartest guy on this stage, but unfortunately I don't like minorities, women, immigrants or schools.
Peter Camejo: Hello, I'm going to sloganeer and spout off class warfare rhetoric and pretend I have a chance of winning.
Arianna: Democrats are evil, Republicans are evil, Bush Bush Bush, War in Iraq, John Ashcroft, Enron... wait, I'm running for Governor? *insert personal attack*
Cruz Bustamante: *in a late night R&B DJ kind of baritone* We need tough love for California, I have done everything good in this state for a few years, blah blah blah *subtext*= I'm profiting from a craven attack on my own party...
Moderator: Here we have 5 largely unqualified self-promoters who have the maturity and self-discipline of 3 year olds. An action movie star and misogynist, a cross-eyed Ronald Reagan minus the charisma, two left wing spoilers and a guy who looks like a carnival barker. Good night everybody, we're doomed.
Posted by Andrew Dobbs at September 25, 2003 01:12 AM
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