| As a blogger, I read a LOT of websites and content via RSS feeds with Google Reader. So when I came across this post on an email service blog entitled "How to Get People Commenting on your Blog" I knew I had to make a parody of it given the comment threads we've had in recent weeks here at Burnt Orange Report.
Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments! (see, I'm doing it right and haven't even started yet...)
1. Collect Email Addresses - Do you have enough people reading your blog? Use VerticalResponse's Burnt Orange Reports free opt-in form, it's just a few clicks. Then as soon as you publish your post comment about why your opinions are not being voiced in posts you can submit yourself, send an email marketing campaign to your list Matt Glazer with a snippet of your new posts (you haven't written one yet, remember?). Sometimes simply publishing your post won't drive traffic if your readers don't know about it or aren't subscribed via RSS don't know about the right hand sidebar.
Be advised, BOR sells the emails of banned users to Nigerian spammers. If you get more than ten 0's, it is indicative of your small penis size which is why you may start getting offers via email to increase it. Just saying.
2. Ask for The Comment! - At the end of each blog post ask your readers to comment on something you wrote about.
While the end of each post does include a link encouraging you to "Discuss" this is really a lie. What happens in the comment threads can hardly be called discussion.
3. Ask Your Friends Sockpuppets to Comment - Sometimes people are shy nuts, but if they see others commenting they may chime in too two, three, five, or ten times! Get the ball rolling any way you can- and we mean any!
Ok, next one.
4. Write Some Good Content - Not everything Nothing you write is going to be Pulitzer worthy- you're on a blog remember! However there are sleazy ways to see what people are excited about reading. We installed Google Analytics Spyware on our blog to see what people are most interested in, then write more of that particular topic. For example, it was pretty clear that many of our readers liked things formatted so that it's easy to read.
Some examples include "5 Quick Things..." or "10 Ways to a Better..." "5 Things Everyone Agrees About Except You", "This Post Paid for by Candidate X", "Please Have an Unrelated Conversation In My Thread, I Don't Mind", "Kinky Friedman is a Racist", "OMG the TDP is Amazing/Awful and Boyd Richie is Not a Homosexual like Glen Maxey/Supported by the Grassroots", "Important Issue Phillip Martin Cares About (But You Won't Comment On)", "Chris Bell or Bob Gammage? 100 Comments Please!", "David Van Os or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Throw Bombs", "Susan Criss v. Linda Yanez: Seriously? Like, WTF?", "Local Judicial Races: You've Got the Most Experience But No One Cares!", "Colin Supports Everyone You Hate", and if all else fails "Rick Perry is Gay".
5. Write Often - Get your readers used to you publishing on a regular basis whenever the fuck you feel like it so that there is enough for them to read when they haven't been to your blog in a while have run out of nonsense to debate in a thread pushed way down the front page days ago.
And to close it out...
6. Get Your Readers Riled Up! - From time to time be crazy and take a different stance. Write about something controversial to get them commenting or point to another blog McBlogger. Then ask them how they feel (even though you don't care but are asking anyways because those extra pageviews can be monetized!)
This post has been tagged as BOR Humor. |
