Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller has recently been under fire for using state dollars for his recent trip to Oklahoma to receive a so-called “Jesus Shot,” a controversial pain treatment. Today Miller is facing a storm of criticism from his former allies after a newly released video proves that his controversial treatment was not a “Jesus Shot” but a “Muhammad Shot.”
Suspicions began to arise after it was discovered that the Oklahoma doctor who administered the shot, a man who goes by “Dr. Mike”, may not have been who he appeared to be. Right-wing activists are alleging that Dr. Mike is actually a secret Muslim, which they discovered after pulling a hidden-camera sting operation on Dr. Mike’s clinic. As part of the sting, undercover fake reporter James O’Leefe entered the clinic dressed as the Disney character Aladdin, attempting to blend in with any secret Muslims he encountered. He then began to question Dr. Mike, recording the answers with a hidden camera attached to his pants.
In the leaked video, which O’Leefe has called a “smoking gun,” Dr. Mike can be seen admitting his love of baba ghanoush, shwarma, and, most damningly of all, hummus.
“He threw us off at first because he doesn’t have that ‘look’ that most secret Muslims do,” said O’Leefe. “But the evidence is right there on tape. He declared his support for Hummus, a known terrorist group. I bet Dr. Mike isn’t even his real name.”
Texas Republican leaders have already begun to speak out against Sid Miller. Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick was the first to condemn Miller’s support for “Sharia medicine.” Said Patrick, “In Texas, there’s only one God that we allow to get in the way of science, and that is Jesus Christ.”
Meanwhile, lame duck State Rep. Molly White is desperately clinging to relevancy by camping out in an American-flag tent in front of Miller’s office, publicly requesting that Sid Miller swear a loyalty pledge to the United States before he enters any state-owned property. Even Ted Cruz has jumped in to comment on the situation in what he suddenly remembered was his home state, promising to patrol Sid Miller’s neighborhood himself to ensure Texans’ safety. “I have a flashlight, a tin-foil hat, and an assault rifle,” said Cruz. “That’s all I need to keep America safe.”
For his part, Miller has expressed remorse for unwittingly partaking in the “Muhammad Shot.” He has already come up with a plan to make it up to Texans: by tripling the number of offensive Muslim memes he posts on Facebook per day.
This post was published on April 1. 2016 as part of BOR’s annual observation of April Fools Day. Posts published on this date are satirical and in no way report actual events (except for how closely they resemble actual events).