Megyn Kelly Cannot Even – Can You Blame Her?

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Let’s be honest. If you actually played along with any of the GOP debate drinking games last night, why are you even on the internet right now?

You need to stay in bed and recover from your hangover. Maybe consider IV rehydration.

We’ll help you ease back in, when you’re ready, with some 140-character summaries of what went down in Cleveland last night.

Best tweet of the night?

Folks were, um, a-twitter over just how outrageously offensive Donald Trump would be. You could bank on him registering pretty high on the scale, a fact that Eat24—whose mission statement is to keep you from having to cook, shop or wear pants—made a big bet on:

When it came to taco jokes, though, is anyone surprised that Congressman Joaquin Castro nailed it?

Women were barely mentioned. Three were named:

  1. Rosie O’Donnell
  2. Hillary Clinton
  3. Carly Fiorina

The Megyn Kelly/Donald Trump exchange reminded us why the GOP has a serious problem with most women:

Rosie, doing the smart thing and ignoring last night’s GOP Smackdown, has only been tweeting about one politician lately, and it ain’t Trump. She’s enthralled, it seems, with everyone’s favorite singing Federalist:

Rosie ODonnell Hamilton

Can you imagine 200 years from now, people queuing to get into the Broadway premier of Trump The Musical?

Totally kidding, of course. Broadway will be completely underwater 200 years from now. Not that you would have known that’s even a possibility from listening to the candidates last night:

The GOP punditry seems to have awarded the sash and crown from last night to the only woman on the stage, Carly Fiorina:

Allow me to suggest a topic for your next long, lazy afternoon with friends and copious quantities of the adult beverage of your choice: will the GOP reprise 2008 with a cranky white guy at the top of the ticket and a token woman as VP, and if so, compare and contrast The Thrilla from Wasila with the Queen Bee of HP.

no thank you mean girls

Yeah, I know. The GOP really doesn’t want to spend any time talking about women either.

Two other women were on people’s minds, but the GOP candidates dared not speak their names:

Rand tried to make a point but I’m not sure anyone other than Houstonians knew what on earth that point was:

I feared/predicted we’d get at least one #AllLivesMatter last night, but if you think talk about women was lacking …

The moderators tried to get it in, but …

The debate, in the end, told us nothing new about the policies or politics of any of the candidates. It was part The Bachelor, part Hunger Games, and part audition for who will get the most lucrative talk show offers once the campaign is over.

Mike Huckabee, for my money, was the most over the top and/or the best at memorizing made-for-RT’ing zingers:

By far, his most head-scratching comment:

Yes, well, the president would have to be the one to invoke the 5th for the unborn children … what with them being UNBORN and literally not able to take part in any activity that would trigger any of the protections under the amendment.

Somebody needs to count and compare how many times Ronald Reagan’s name came up, but for once, it seems, God was mentioned more often. In fact, Megyn Kelly threw us to the final commercial break with what sounded like a promise that the supreme being was about to make a surprise appearance.

Turns out, it wasn’t god, but a question from Jake, from State Farm some guy on the internet:

In other words, do any of you hear voices? Because it seems like that might be something we should know about someone who wants to be president.

No one ‘fessed up. But everyone got real Jesus-y.

Like the candidates, I’d planned a zinger for my closing statement:

Tune in September 16th to find out if Carly will get called up to the big kids’ table, and if our smirking but well-coiffed ex-gov really did get a vision of his future as he departed:

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About Author

Andrea Greer

Andrea, an activist, fundraiser, feminist, writer, and baker, is not as tall as you think she is. She's been at this a long time, and wants to know what you are doing to make the pie higher and raise more hell. Her mother would like you to know she's got a law degree.

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