Ted Cruz Can’t Sleep At Night If A Woman Can Still Get a Pap Smear in America

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It’s a move that will certainly win him the endorsement of the Club for Cancerous Growths and any other organization that just can’t be happy if women are healthy and free to make their own reproductive decisions.

Ted Cruz is trying to force a vote in the US Senate to defund Planned Parenthood, because Ted Cruz can’t sleep at night unless millions of American women can’t get a pap smear.

According to The Hill, Texas’s friendless junior Senator and known avocado hater is also going after Obamacare —

… Cruz’s office said Tuesday that he plans to file an amendment on the highway bill that would eliminate all federal funding for Planned Parenthood, in addition to an amendment that would fully repeal Obamacare….

— because if he can simply kill off enough young voters from lack of to access to basic medical care, he might have a shot at this thing!

(Cruz is currently running 8th in the GOP primary field, earning approximately 4% of the vote. He probably doesn’t have a shot at this thing.)

If Cruz was somehow able to succeed at something other than promoting himself and demonstrating his Kindergarten-level reading skills and get this on the highway bill, his proposed amendment would cut women off from access to birth control, HIV tests, and cancer screenings.

Cruz, who has cobbled together his US Senate career on little more than Joe McCarthy’s hair and Dick Cheney’s sneer, is also currently trying to affix himself to Donald Trump’s combed-over posterior. His latest attempt to ask not what your country can do for you but what Ted Cruz can do to boost his sagging poll numbers comes after the release of a secretly filmed video by an organization led by anti-choice activists who incite violence against abortion providers.

Attacking Planned Parenthood has become somewhat of a cliche for Republican candidates, except that this tired campaign trope actually kills people by denying them access to basic health care.

Lest we forget, here is what Planned Parenthood actually does:

  • Provides sexual and reproductive health care, education, information, and outreach to more than five million women and men each year
  • Helps patients prevent approximately 516,000 unintended pregnancies annually
  • Provides nearly 400,000 Pap tests and nearly 500,000 breast exams each year
  • Administers nearly 4.5 million tests and treatments for sexually transmitted infections annually, including 700,00 HIV tests

Only 3% of the annual services they provide are abortion care, but Republicans and anti-choice wackos are always trying to use this as a justification for denying millions of people access to basic healthcare. Now, some people might tell Planned Parenthood to simply stop providing abortions, which is the equivalent of patting a woman on the head and saying “there, there, little lady, you didn’t need access to your rights, did you?”

Cruz is joined in the effort by fellow 2016 Republican hopeful Rand Paul, who also has a strange fixation for trying to get women to keep their lips together.

Personally, I hope he succeeds in getting his vote — provided, of course, the measure never gets anywhere close to becoming law. I’d like to watch the incumbent Republican senators up for election in 2016 in traditional Democratic states vote on this one. Because if there’s one thing Ted Cruz might actually be good at — other than his Corey Hart impression — it’s reminding voters that we’re all better off with Democrats in control of the US Senate.


About Author

Katherine Haenschen

Katherine Haenschen is a PhD candidate at the University of Texas, where she studies political participation on digital media. She previously managed successful candidate, issue, voter registration, and GOTV campaigns in Central Texas. She is also a fan of UCONN women's basketball and breakfast tacos.

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