This is an April Fools Day post. It is not real news…. yet.
Today, about a week after fellow Texan Ted Cruz announced his candidacy for president, came surprising news from the Rick Perry camp, which announced they were bringing Transformers director Michael Bay on as a member of their staff.
Though Perry has not confirmed his own 2016 run, staffers have said Bay is being brought in to “direct a sequel of epic proportions,” which hints at another run for president.
“Rick Perry new campaign is all about appearances,” said Jeff Conley, a Republican strategist. “He’s trying to fix his image from 2012–he got glasses, he hired actors from the Royal Shakespeare Company to teach him how to speak. It makes sense that the next step would be to hire a Hollywood director to bring it all together.”
Why Michael Bay? It turns out the answer is both personal and professional.
The two first met when Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Perry’s 2012 campaign were both nominated for Golden Raspberry Awards. As a Perry aide told reporters, “Transformers: Age of Extinction is one of Rick’s favorite movies. He really empathizes with Optimus Prime’s struggle to regain faith in humanity. He also thinks that given the number of Republicans who already believe that Barack Obama is an alien and Hillary Clinton a murderer, a skillful director like Bay can persuade voters that the Democratic nominee is actually an evil Decepticon.”
But there’s more to it than just Rick Perry’s love of the Transformers series. Conley points out that there’s clearly a strategic component to hiring Bay. “Michael Bay has a history of turning a product that lacks intelligence and substance into a series of films that millions of Americans will buy. Who better to direct a Rick Perry campaign?”
Many have noted that Bay’s and Perry’s views on women also align–both believe they should be pretty props who are there to be seen and not heard.
Now that Bay has joined the Perry team, political experts expect that the next step will be a Bay-directed campaign announcement video. Perry is said to be “giddy” at the number of explosions Bay is planning for the ad. Said a staffer, “Ted Cruz may say that the world’s on fire, but in Rick’s ad, the world will actually be on fire. I’d like to see Cruz compete with that.”
There’s no official word yet on who Perry’s next hire will be. Based on his track record of hiring to fix his 2012 mistakes, it’s rumored that he’s searching for a second-grade math teacher.