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BREAKING: Ted Cruz Loses Texas Residency Due to Time Spent in Iowa, Must Renounce Senate Seat


by: Katie Singh

Tue Apr 01, 2014 at 02:00 PM CDT


Ed. Note: Check the date on the post...

Freshman Senator Ted Cruz lost his Texas residency today due to the inordinate amount of time he has spent in Iowa in recent months. As a result, Cruz will have to renounce his senate seat by the end of the week.

Cruz's frequent visits to Iowa during Congressional recesses have come to outnumber the amount of time Cruz spends in Texas, leading the Texas Secretary of State to rule that Cruz is no longer eligible to represent Texas in the Senate.

In a press conference, Cruz appeared to be unfazed by the ruling. "I don't need to be a Senator to spread my message of freedom and liberty to the American public. I think I can be more effective as an outsider." said Cruz. "In fact, I was beginning to have doubts about the constitutionality of the U.S. Senate anyway. Why would the Founders design an institution that just makes more Washington insiders instead of promoting liberty? It seems to me like this is another failed policy forced on the American people by Barack Obama and I am happy to be leaving it."

"Besides," added Cruz, "It's not like I was accomplishing anything in the Senate anyway."

Read about Cruz's back-up plan below the jump.

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Despite Cruz's nonchalant attitude in the press conference, some insiders are reporting that he's considering another run for Senate to represent Iowa.

"All non-Ivy League educated people are the same to Ted," said a source, who preferred to remain anonymous. "He doesn't really care who his constituents are as long as he has a title. And if he represents Iowa, he definitely has a better chance of winning the 2016 Iowa Caucuses."

The source also said that Cruz has a contingency plan if becoming a senator from Iowa doesn't work out.

"I think his backup plan is to move back to Texas and push for secession. Ted Cruz would love it if Texas became its own country. At least then he could be president of somewhere."

This is an April Fools' Day post. Unfortunately, it is not real. But imagine if it were!


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