|
So this is what happens when they let the inmates run the asylum. The brouhaha over the neonatal invasion of terror babies would never have happened when George W. Bush was running the Republican Party. Heck, Karl Rove probably would have paid Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter to adopt one.
Terror babies are the end of the line for the modern Republican Party. To be a modern Republican, you have had to support nullifying part of the Constitution, understand and sympathize with those who advocate secession, and miss the milk & honey years of the George W. Bush administration that led us into a war in Iraq and into a wreck on Wall Street. They believe that death panels are in the health care reform law, that McCarthyism wasn't such a bad thing, and that Thomas Jefferson wasn't that great. And that's not even the worst part: About half of all Republicans believe that the President's 1961 birth announcement in a Honolulu newspaper is part of an elaborately conceived plot to put an African-born Muslim into the Oval Office. In other words, it really helps to be crazy if you want to be a Republican these days.
But now, thanks to terror babies, Republicans need you to be brain damaged as well. To believe in terror babies is to set sail for China in a soap dish and call it a cruise. How soon till John Edwards fathers a terror baby? Didn't they do a push poll in South Carolina accusing John McCain of fathering a terror baby? Apparently terror babies can't be counted but live among us. Doesn't this have redistricting implications? And if you're having a terror baby, where do you register? Jihad & Things? Bombs R Us?
Want to do something fun? Try explaining the theory of terror babies to a child? "So," I told my 7-year-old, "some Republicans think that terrorists are sneaking into our country and having babies so they can be little terrorist babies. What do you think of that?" There is no greater sound that the giggling of a child imagining a baby with a diaper full of plastic explosives trying to blow up a Montessori. Forget terror babies. Republicans need to worry about my kids.
Ironically, the best way to end terrorism is to let Al Qaeda have their babies in America. Let the little extremist diaper jockeys grow up in a country that embraces the Tea Partier and the tea bagger, the social conservative and the socialite, the country clubber and the community organizer. Let them grow up in a country where a son of an African goat herder can grow up to be President. Is there a better way to end terrorism motivated by religious extremism than by making Americans out of them?
Terror babies are no less a Republican idea because only a few elected officials promote the wild fiction of a Manchurian maternity ward. This is a Republican idea because their leaders either share it or are scared to denounce it, and this is precisely where Democrats can aim their silver bullets. Either Rick Perry is willing to publicly denounce this idea as unbridled malarkey or he's unable to tighten the wing nuts in his own party. Even George W. Bush eventually admitted that there were no WMDs-and he was correcting his own lie!
To paraphrase Congressman Louie Gohmert's misguided admonishment to CNN's Anderson Cooper, Republicans are better than this. They fought a civil war to free the slaves, repeatedly signed peace treaties with the Soviet Union, and fought the spread of HIV/AIDS in Africa.
This is not an issue that calls for bipartisan compromise. Terror babies are the ultimate demise of the Republican Party. This is where the Tea Party is dumping the sane members of their party overboard while they keep the social conservatives below in steerage. After terror babies, believing that the Earth is round is heresy. The country club Republicans typified back in the day by George H.W. Bush and Gerald Ford will have to choose between countenancing hilarious lies that make my kids laugh and actually trying to run the government. The line for the latter starts behind the clean-cut guy from Hawaii.
You know, That One? |
