Burnt Orange Report

My Republican Relatives: A Field Investigation

By Jim Dallas

Obviously, I have an infinite amount of love and respect for all of my peeps, but can I make an observation? I think most of us recognize the family unit as the first and most important source of social education. And it's never out of session.

When the holiday politics truce breaks in my family* , I'm usually at a pretty steep disadvantage since I'm the only one who voted - nay, voted and actually supported (within the limits of respectability, of course) John Kerry last year.

Normally the tendency is to talk back, but this year was different. This year was a time to listen. Not to sulk, but to understand.

So what did I learn from watching Loxodonta republicanensis?

First of all, there's different levels of partisanship (at least in my totally non-random sample of people related to me by blood or marriage). If you get them lulled into a sense of complacency, they'll concede they're not happy with the way things are going with Washington.

Secondly, they really just don't seem to like Democrats or any Democrat that isn't a Zell-Out. Piece together the puzzle here: It's a badge of honor to say "I was a Democrat in the 1950s!" and the constant stream of epitaphs towards major Democratic leaders (Kerry's a fraud, Dean's a headcase, etc. etc. etc.).

Naturally, I think this sort of bitter partisan animosity is present on the other side of the aisle (but perhaps in smaller doses). Regardless, it bites.

Finally, there are actually people who are swayed by accusations that Democrats are in bed with trial lawyers. Like all the doctors in my family, for example.

Previously I thought that was just another manifestation of the Texas GOP's Don Quixote complex, but no, it's actually pandering to special interests! Zounds!

At any rate, I didn't get any closer to figuring out how to persuade mi familia in 2005. But as the sun sets over the savannah, we will have plenty of notes to study back in the lab for months to come.

* Except for my mother's side of the family, of course, because we're mostly all Democrats. But I usually spend less time with them because they're farther away.